Alone
by water mixed flame
Summary: For Rei, only one person can bring her happiness or leave her utterly defeated.


Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon

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Alone

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Tears.

I hastily wiped at my face, sucking in a sharp breath, trying to dispel the stinging, salty droplets of water that leaked, threatening to fall from my hard, amethyst eyes as I huddled under a large oak at the park.

Pain.

It coursed through my soul, piercing my heart like a hot knife to butter. It's something that I should be used to now, right?

A bitter laugh escaped my parched lips as I clutched a shaking hand to where my battered and torn heart should be. I guess I'll never get used to the sensation of pain, after all it's something that I seem to be thriving off of all my life. It's something that I need to live, right?

That sweet, addiction of a voice echoes through my weary mind.

"That's right." I whisper hoarsely, my throat burning with each word passing monotonously through pale lips, "I have no heart, right? Someone like me can't feel pain."

My body slumped further down against the tree's rough bark my arms winding themselves instinctively around my slim, jeaned legs and hugging them closer to my chest in a familiar position that I've seemed to always end up in.

"Then why does it hurt?" I looked with lost, clouded amethyst towards the burning sky as if the all my answers were there, just waiting for me to find them.

'_Because you are human._'

I shook my head, long, raven bangs coming and shrouding my closed eyes behind a curtain of silk.

"But I'm not. They all say so." I whispered to the voice ringing in my head, one so warm and motherly, yet so piercing as it delivered a truth that have always been taken away from me.

"I'm nothing but an evil spawn, a monster that doesn't deserve to live. They all say so."

'_They are wrong._'

Hugging my jeaned legs tighter to my chest, shaking my head harshly while burying them into the rough, warm material I rasped out, "You lie."

'_Do I?_'

"Yes." I whimpered out, shivering against the frigid wind that raced around me, "_She _said the same thing, and yet…"

'_And yet I'm still all alone._' my mind finished off for me.

Hot, stinging tears reemerged, fighting back fiercely against tightly shut eyelids as I forced myself not to cry, not to give in to the despair that blanketed around my shoulders, pressing down and suffocating me like a lead curtain.

'_Not true._'

"And what would you know!?" I spat back in a heated whisper, "You know nothing about me. No one does! No one even tries!"

'_She tried._'

"_She lied_ !!" I bit back, quivering with so many raw, suppressed emotions, "She said she loved me, held me, and treated me like an actual person! But all of that warmth, that self proclaimed love for me, her eyes… Gosh, I'm an idiot for letting myself being roped into this."

'_Yet you wouldn't have it any other way._'

"No." I argued back, shaking my head, "If I would have known that this would have happened. If I would have known that I was nothing but her play toy, someone she could wind in her spider webs, so that I could never escape, then I would never have gone out with her."

'_You loved her._'

"I was desperate!"

'_For attention?'_

"Yes." I whimpered, painfully trying to push my leaden body off of the ground…

'_For love?'_

only to fall back onto the supposedly supple grass, now like razors against me.

'_You still love her._'

A drip.

A whimper.

My fist connected with the gritty, sandy dirt as I drove it continuously into the ground while hot, wet streams of tears coursed down my face freely.

"_Yes_."

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Heavy, so very leaden and chained to this ever moving planet, moving as though I was in slow motion with no where to go, no idea of what to do while everyone around me flashed by like lightning, having destinations, and knowing what to do. My blank, amethyst eyes reflected such movement like glass as my head leant heavily on the knuckles of my loosely clenched hand, gazing through the window of the crown. Around me the sounds of idle chatter was sparked like wildfire between the people that surrounded, though their words only through deaf ears as I was lost to this world.

Warm.

It was the only thing that could have brought me back down to reality, all that was once blurred and muffled clearing as a warm, soft hand tenderly touched my arm, forcing me to look away.

Sapphire eyes of an angel.

I found myself lost in them, wanting to drown in them, believe in them even if it was so obvious that betrayed the loving tenderness and kindness that their owner treated me with.

Besides the fake mask and perfectly executed charade was truth. Cold yet never wavering truth.

"Rei?"

Softly spoken, my name tumbled past lush, pink lips, the concern that was woven with that sweet, melodic voice struck the worn cords of my heavy heart. I could feel all eyes on me, silence, suffocating and so thick around me as they glanced my way, curious about something that was to be none of their business.

"Are you alright?" the blonde goddess whispered, bringing a delicate, smooth hand up to brush against the chilled skin of my cheek.

I shivered at the electricity the light, nearly nonexistent touch elicited, and closed my eyes, letting out a shaky and turning away from her. I had to force myself to hold back that bitter, hollow laugh that threatened to escape.

'_You have no idea._'

"Rei?"

The innocent curiosity laced in the warm, smooth, deceptive voice caused another shiver to run through my veins like fire. I loved it when she said my name so tenderly, as though she truly cared for me. And what I was about to do, what I wanted to tell her, to confirm…

Alone.

In trade for honesty, what I have now, even if it's fake would be ripped away from me, leaving me to slip into the frigid, escapeless darkness of being alone. Again. And probably forever.

But I was foolish.

"I…"

Always such a damn fool.

Looking up, to lock torn amethyst eyes with unreadable, unfeeling cerulean I shivered, and rasped out the two words that would end everything I've always wanted in life.

"I know."

She flinched, an emotion quickly flashing through her eyes, and I had to look away as the dull pain that has stuck with me since yesterday burst into flames, and scorched my ever dimming soul.

"Rei, I…"

No denial.

I shook my leaden, buzzing head, standing up on shaking legs that begged for me to stay still or I might collapse, but I ignored it and asked to be let out of the booth.

At first, I guess that I was expecting her to beg me not to leave, to stay so that we could talk things out, or to apologize, and hold me for one last time. As sad as it was, I was actually hoping for that, wishing for her to embrace me and take all of the pain away, even for just a little bit, but…

They got up, letting me out and stagger away, in near disbelief that shouldn't have been felt, clutching at my chest as a fire seared inside my broken heart.

I should have known that all it was, was wishful thinking.

Loneliness crept up on me, the darkness within me succeeding as the monster that I have never been able to shake off engulfed me. It isn't anything new. It never is.

I stopped, not looking back at her, not caring whether or not she heard the despairing words that dripped out of my mouth as I whispered, "I'm such a fool to still love you."

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I forced my leaden, puffy red eyes open, only to clench them back shut and moan in light pain as a sharp ache struck my eyes because of the sun's bright rays. Groaning, I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, attempting to chase away the horrid cold that took hold of me in an iron, unshakable grip, and curled into a tiny ball. I blinked hazily, finding myself back at the oak I was at yesterday. The place where I found out the truth.

Nestling down into the grass, I reached up a shaking hand to touch my cheeks, finding them damp from the tears that I had finally let fall. A small, humorless smile tugged at my pale, cracked lips.

'_So this is what I'm reduced to._'

Shaking my head, I tried to push myself up, not really knowing why. After all, where am I supposed to go? What am I supposed to do now that I took away the most precious thing I had in this world with my own hands?

Tears pricked the edges of my aching eyes, as I tried to move, my body aching in protest, my soul and heart begging me to stay where I was, just for a little while. And with no energy left, giving up on moving, giving up on trying, I let my body fall back against the supple grass, and stared up at the sky through the tree's many leaves and branches in the way of my blank, lifeless amethyst eyes.

Never have I felt so drained. Never have I felt so defeated.

"Minako." the name was barely a cracked whisper slipping past my lips without thought.

I closed my eyes to imagine her warmth, to see her right there besides me, to smell the intoxicating scent that was so Minako. Just to feel her electrifying touch, to hear her mesmerizing voice. I missed her. Wanted her. Yet lost her.

Forever.

It had two meanings. Forever without her, yet forever near her. Forever was a long time to be alone without love and among those who would never acknowledge you, even if it was false.

Was I desperate to feel something more than this darkness that had engraved itself in my soul?

Intoxicating laughter floated to me, the voice of the blonde goddess I so desperately needed, laughing happily. Truly happy.

It was a sound from her that I've never heard when she was with me. And it stung.

It killed me inside.

And as I forced my crying, concrete body, my heart begging me not to get up. Not to set myself up for another fall, one that would surely end me. But I ignored the warnings and got up anyway, swaying on weak, shaking legs, my knees threatening to buckle if I kept this up any further and walked forward, to the side of the oak.

Was I really such a glutton for punishment?

My breath left me all at once, as there she was, smiling a brilliant, golden smile that reached her sparkling, cerulean eyes, and felt the urge to throw up at the sight. There she was, arm around the one person that I never would have thought would do this to me. There she was… with Setsuna.

I whimpered, clutching to the rough, bark at the side of the tree, trying to keep myself steady, trying to keep myself up, and trying to keep myself from running to her.

"Minako…"

And as if she heard me, she abruptly stopped and swirled to face me, surprise evident in her eyes. I forced myself to look away, to swirl around to the back of the tree as if to shelter and hide myself from her and felt my feet go from under me as I fell forward, unmoving onto the cold ground. Tears began to trickle from clenched eyes as I tried to shake myself out of this. It wasn't like I didn't know who it was, it wasn't like I didn't know who she cheated on me with.

'_It isn't like she truly loved me anyway._'

My heart finally gave up on trying to hold itself together, to remain strong and the slightest hopeful and shattered. I felt my already dim soul finally lose its flame.

Was this how it felt to be a hollow shell?

No thought, no feeling, nothing. I've never felt so cold, so hollow. I never knew that I could fall so far.

'_I've finally hit rock bottom._'

My dull eyes began to close, yet refused to as my muffled ears picked up the sounds of shuffling behind me, first soft, yet continuously growing louder until out of the corner of my eye I saw a shoe just inches from my face.

"Oh, Rei."

'_Such a beautiful, sad voice._'

It was a broken, whisper. From the one who never could have imagined how much of my life she held in her hands. I felt my body being lifted off of the ground and into a warm embrace. I closed my eyes for I don't think that I could handle looking into her eyes, less I break down even more than I already have.

But being the thick headed person I was, I did it any way. I opened my eyes to a very concerned, blonde haired goddess that held me close, combing through my tangled raven locks as best she could with her slender fingers.

"Rei." she murmured, bringing everything I had already thought I that I let out, break out again.

I gave a low wail, and turned to clutch at her, desperate for the warmth that surrounded me, and she knew that I was too. I didn't care that Setsuna stood behind her, I didn't care that I looked weak and utterly hopeless, helpless. I just didn't care anymore, I just wanted someone to accept me, acknowledge me, and love me for who I am.

I buried my face into her neck as I sobbed, openly, brokenly as her hold on me tightened, her hand rubbing soothing circles on my back, kind, warm words being whispered tenderly into my ear. I could barely breath as I sobbed.

"Please," I begged in a hoarse whisper, rough and heavy with emotion and tears, "don't leave me alone."

There was a pause, and as I was about to give up any hope I had left, I felt her crush myself to her warm, supple body protectively as she whispered with such emotion, "I'm so sorry. I won't leave you, I promise."

I continued to sob against her, new warm tears leaking through tightly shut eyes as I nodded against the hollow of her neck, a small spark of hope returning and rekindling my still battered and shattered heart and torn soul.

'_Maybe,_' I thought, inhaling the intoxicatingly sweet scent that was Minako, '_I can believe in her._'

Unbeknownst to me, my heavy, aching eyes closed, my exhausted body, mind, and soul surrendering to sleep's call.

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At first, I felt myself suspended in a calm, peaceful darkness. Not the cold, suffocating one that has had its steely claws clasped around me. No, it was, dare I say it? Warm. Suddenly though, I could hear voices talking, not too far from me either.

"I'm sorry Setsuna, but I've hurt her too much already."

"Then, if you stayed, wouldn't it be out of pity?"

A dagger nicked at me heart.

"No Setsuna, you know that wouldn't be the case. I-"

"So you truly love her then?"

"Yes."

My hear felt the lightest and happiest its felt in a long time, rising and singing as my stomach did flips.

'_She loves me_.'

"Setsuna, I'm sorry, but I can't hide how I truly feel towards Rei any longer. My actions were true to her always, but my eyes…" I could hear Minako let out a long, shaky breath before continuing, "I hid all that I felt from reaching my eyes, and I could tell that she was starting to believe that I didn't love her."

A small, warm hand enveloped my own, slender fingers interlacing between mine as she brought our conjoined hands up and kissed them.

"Setsuna, I did try to love you. It was the least I could do for you, but you know that Rei needs me more. She's been through enough."

"I know."

"Don't worry Setsuna, you will find love. You may not see it, but there is someone in our little group who is deeply in love with you."

"Who is it?"

A smooth hand brushed back my bangs followed by a warm, tender kiss to my forehead.

"I can't tell you because you have to realize it yourself Setsuna. Just do it soon."

Footsteps and the click of a door opening then closing let me know that Setsuna had left, leaving me and Minako alone.

"Come on Rei, I know you're awake now." came an amused voice followed by a fully happy giggle.

My amethyst eyes fluttered open, the first thing they were greeted too was a brilliant smile that really reached sparkling, loving, cerulean eyes.

"Hey there." she whispered, running her thin fingers through my long, raven locks.

"Hey." I whispered back, praying that this wasn't a dream, and if it was for no one to wake me up.

"Rei, I really am sorry, and I promise that I won't leave you alone."

A true smile graced my lips, a warmth and happiness that I haven't felt in my whole entire life being draped around me like a large warm, fuzzy blanket wrapping around me. I reached up my free, shaky hand to cup her cheek, smiling brighter as she leaned into it and nuzzled my palm.

"It's alright. You're here now and that is all that I could ever ask or even hope for."

She smiled, brighter than the sun, her loving eyes filling with shining crystal tears. I reached up, trying to wipe them away as they fell. She laughed, freely, happily and held tightly onto our clasped hands.

"We'll be together forever. I promise that I'll never let you go."

She leaned in closer, claiming my lips in a deep kiss filled with love and the promise she made. I felt a part of me slip into me and click into place, completing me and beginning the recovery process for my heart and soul. It just felt so right at this moment, and I never wanted to stop this moment.

'_We'll be together forever.'_

Her words echoed in my head in a pleasant way, and when we separated for air, I looked deeply into her tender, cerulean eyes and whispered:

"I love you."

It was the beginning of a true and beautiful relationship, and there was no way that I was going to let go of the blonde goddess that completed my life.

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**The End**


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